The New Normal...

Pray for contentment in my spirit.

I want to be okay with whatever God has in store for me in this next stage. It is hard not to let pride get in the way sometimes, but I know that God knows what I need and that He called me to this Master's program and it is unlikely that He did that without reason. He will provide just the job I need that uses my skills and talents. I just have to be okay with the waiting.

Last night I ran into a friend who works here at Baylor. We are really that close, just very friendly acquaintances. She works in Campus Ministries and her name is Becky. She said, "You will make it, sometimes you just have to redefine what 'making it' is." I thought that was a good word.

I have been listening to Sara Groves lately and I heard this song and thought of us (both you and me) and our transitional time right now.

The One Thing I Know

And the clouds just parted on a corner of my life
And I can see for miles
And the things I was stuck on
Things I thought would never change
They just broke open wide

This is the one thing I know
You said you won't let me go
You said you won't let me go

And the veil just lifted
I can finally understand
The way you work in me
But even if I didn't
You are still a sovereign God
Who has a plan for me

It 's good to know you work with hurt and broken souls
And that you'll take a soul like mine
And it feels like I've been waking up
Only to fight with the same old stuff
I was caught in the habits of a lifetime
Giving up I could never find the right time
All the indefensible things I would defend
All the million ways that my heart was bent
Then the clouds just parted

It reminds me of how I will feel when it is all over and I can see how His hand was in every moment. Sometimes the clouds are so thick and heavy I feel like I can't breathe or move, but I know that this too will pass. God cares for me and wants my success in life--but I also have to
be willing to surrender what my idea of success is so that it can be replaced with His idea. The funny thing is, I worry that the creative God who had the insight to create the duck-billed platypus and the Northern Lights somehow won't think "big" enough for Carrie Anderson.
Why do I think so little of my God that I believe the lie that He would settle for less than the best for me?

Now I am not naievly saying that I will never go through tough times... I have seen to much evil in the world to believe that lie. I am saying that I must believe that God desires for my good and that His idea of good is much higher than my own. Placing my trust in the hands of a Good God cannot be a bad thing.