Addicted to the safe

This was the verse of the day in my email inbox this morning. Something about the verse struck me differently today.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled."

It isn't about not having worries, it is about choosing whether or not we will entertain them. I am not good at this. I so often entertain cares and concerns, going from point A to point Z in a millisecond as my mind wanders over and around all the possible worst case scenarios. But that is not who I am called to be. I am called to "trust in God."

Sometimes I don't think I really do trust God. I don't know what it is about God and I lately, but I seem to (very erroneously) think I could plan things a lot better than He does. I know I'm wrong, ultimately, I'm just scared.

My devotional several days ago included a passage from C.S. Lewis' book "The Silver Chair." In the story, Jill, a little girl from our world, accidentally ends up in Narnia. She is very thirsty and comes up to a stream but notices Aslan, a lion and the God figure, sitting next to the stream. She is, of course, scared of him. He says to her, "If you are thirsty, you may drink.'' She doesn't move.

"Are you not thirsty?'' said the Lion.

"I'm dying of thirst,'' said Jill.

"Then drink,'' said the Lion.

"May I, could I, would you mind going away while I do?'' said Jill.

The Lion answered this only by a look and a very low growl. And, as Jill gazed at its motionless bulk, she realized that she might as well have asked a whole mountain to move aside for her convenience.

The delicious rippling noise of the stream was driving her nearly frantic.

"Will you promise not to do anything to me, if I do come?'' said Jill.

"I make no promise,'' said the Lion.

Jill was so thirsty now that, without noticing it, she had come a step nearer.

"Do you eat girls?'' she asked.

"I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors, cities and realms,'' said the Lion. It didn't say this as if it were boasting, nor as if it were sorry, nor as if it were angry. It just said it.

"I daren't come and drink,'' said Jill.

"Then you will die of thirst,'' said the Lion.

"Oh dear!'' said Jill, coming another step nearer. "I suppose I must go and look for another stream then.''

"There is no other stream,'' said the Lion.

It never occurred to Jill to disbelieve the Lion ' no one who had seen his stern face could do that ' and her mind suddenly made itself up. It was the worst thing she had ever had to do, but she went forward to the stream, knelt down, and began scooping water in her hand. It was the coldest, most refreshing water she had ever tasted. You didn't need to drink much of it, for it quenched your thirst at once. Before she tasted it she had been intending to make a dash away from the Lion the moment she finished. Now she realized that this would be, on the whole, the most dangerous thing of all. She got up and stood there with her lips still wet from drinking.

I know that I fear God more than I should. I fear that He is out to get me or is about to let the "other shoe drop." I definitely don't do a very good job seeing him as a loving Father or the One who wants to wipe away my tears. I just can't seem to get past His wildness--He seems so unsafe.

The command, "trust in God" is probably one of the hardest things for me to do.

If it said, "trust in self," I would be set! If it said, "trust in Marc" or even "trust in your family" I would have it made. But it says, "trust in God" for a reason. And even if, like Jill, I am terrified, I know that the only relief I can find from my anxious thoughts and worries is to sit at the feet of the one who is not safe, but good.

Do you find yourself addicted to safety too? Please join me in my prayer that we would give up our addictions to safety and learn what it means to not let our hearts be troubled, but to trust in God--even if He isn't safe.