Some thoughts on life right now

I'm trying to figure out what it means to be me right now. So much of my time is spent being distracted from truly being with myself. I find that some days I wake up in the silence and have trouble thinking of who I am beyond what I "do" with my days. I want to discover the essence of who God created me to be. I want to dig deeply into the heart of my God and see myself the way He sees me. I am a work in progress.

Here are some quotes that have been clanking around in my brain for a few days.

"Do not entertain the notion that you ought to advance your prayer. If you do, you will only find you have put on the brake instead of the acceleration. All real progress in spiritual things comes gently, imperceptibly, and is the work of God. Our crude efforts spoil it. Know yourself for the childish, limited, and dependant soul you are. Remember that the only growth which matters happens without our knowledge and that trying to stretch ourselves is both dangerous and silly. Think of the infinite Goodness, never of your own state."

~Evelyn Underhill

"Here's what I've decided: the very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof. What I want is so simple I almost can't say it: elementary kindness. Enough to eat, enough to go around. The possibility that kids might one day grow up to be neither the destroyers nor the destroyed. That's about it. Right now I'm living in this hope, running down its hallways and touching the walls on both sides. I can't tell you how good it feels."

~Barbara Kingsolver

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going, I do not see the roach ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road, through I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always, though I may seem lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

~Thomas Merton