Friday, October 31, 2008

Where can I find a swingset around here?

Jealousy would be far less torturous if we understood that love is a passion entirely unrelated to our merits.
~Paul Eldridge

Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive.
~Havelock Ellis

I guess you could say that I am struggling with jealousy. Not in my relationship with Marc, but with friends. I have always had a strong desire to be a good friend - a friend others can count on and turn to - but, my desire to be a good friend is often perverted by a need for approval, to know that what I am doing is "working."

It seems I have fallen into this trap as of late.

While Marc and I are blessed with many friends, we do not truly have "best" friends here in Waco. We have great friends, friends with whom we can share our hopes and fears, but we haven't yet found friends who know us deep to our souls.

We do have friends like that, they just aren't here in Texas.

And that leads me to the problem with jealousy.

It is hard to feel like a good friend when you are miles away. And it is easy to be threatened that others will take your place. Will my friends still think of me as a "soul friend" even though I am not physically able to be present with them? Will they still want to share their excitements and fears?

While I think that most people can understand these fears, and even share them, it doesn't make them healthy or good.

I do not possess my friends. (although I confess that sometimes I wish I did!) And I cannot control their associations - I can't even really control if they want to keep being my friend.

All this is to say that I am working through some emotions right now. I am trying to remember that (like the Eldridge quote says), love is unrelated to my "merits." And I know that I cannot possess my friends - they are not mine to hold - but I am still tempted to try.

I wish I could clear my mental slate of all of my past "friendship baggage" and start over with the gentle trusting friendship of a child. As a child you would simply ask someone to be your friend, hear their excited response and run hand in hand to the swingset. I want to get back to that swingset.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Baby Hagey

For this child we have prayed!

Praise God! Theresa and Sean's little goober is already 20 weeks! And they now know (with 90% accuracy) that it will be a little... well... I can't tell you the gender just yet! But in celebration, I just had to post the video of the little bean!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Breaking ground...not wind

I crack myself up! :) Anyway, as some of you know, we broke ground this weekend on a gym and activity center on our Boys Ranch. It was very exciting! Unfortunately, I missed out on a Saturday with Marc, but I think that it was for a good cause.

Here is a picture of our staff at the groundbreaking. Aren't we cute? :)

Friday, October 24, 2008


Really, it has been one month since I last blogged?

That is just too sad.

And now for random ramblings...

Marc and I recently bit the bullet and got cable TV...again. For those who remember, we had given up the cable to move to TX two years ago - then we decided to get it after I graduated and had a job - then we got rid of it so that we could pay off our student loan debt more quickly. And now? We canceled our Internet provider and got cable instead. We (ahem) "borrow" the wireless Internet from our neighbors. Thankfully they like us. :)

With Marc taking classes (and I don't just mean "classes" I mean CLASSES - he pulled out all the stops this semester) I tend to get pretty lonely sitting around waiting for him to get done with homework and doing yet another craft project. So we got cable.

Well, I had better get back to my insanely amazing life! :) I promise I'll be better about blogging. Really. I promise. :)
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