Thursday, December 11, 2008

No Regrets

I don't remember where I read this, but it came to my mind again today. When asked about the greatest trial in her life an elderly woman answered, "the worst trial was the one that never came." She was, of course, suggesting that her greatest trial was worrying over trials that never came. The negativity of the "what-ifs" ruined the many days of blessing that God was trying to give.

I know that recently I have been captivated. I'm ashamed to admit that it has not been by God or holy things, but by fear and worry. It seems I go from one worry to another. Anxiety is my constant bitter friend. I have been working at releasing this to God, but it is amazing the grip that this foolishness has on my life. In the moments of pleasure - moments without worry - I find myself suddenly feeling like something is missing and I get nervous. But the only thing missing is the worry! And that is supposed to be missing!

A few years ago, after completing my application to Baylor, I was asked to take the StrengthsFinder. One of my strengths on this test is that I am strategic. Even when I first took the test I agreed that I could see that strength in my life. But as I joined the staff at Baylor and learned more about the StrengthsFinder system, I was amazed.

Chip Anderson, the mastermind behind the test, often talked about how each strength also had a shadow side. For those with "strategic" minds the shadow side is that we often fall into worry and obsession over the "what if" questions. Knowing this gave me insight into why I am the way I am. It would be easy to wish that I were just not a strategic "what ifer," but I know that God created me with a mind that asks these questions. And many times asking what if questions helps me to think through things I am doing and anticipate issues before they become full-blown problems.

It is in the perversion of my strength that I find my greatest weakness. And I don't think that this is a new concept. In fact, David, the great emotional and passionate leader, was often lead into problems and sin because of that very same emotion and passion.

I don't want to reach the end of my life and regret worrying over trials that never came. So, for now, I am trying to learn what it means to live life in balance - keeping my strategic mind in check! While it seems like a full-time job at times, I know that I have a great God cheering me on and holding me up.

1 comment:

Jami said...

Carrie! Glad to hear from you. I tried to get in touch with you on facebook after Jessica told me you had messaged her, but had no luck.

It is crazy to think that in 3 months I will be a mom! We are so very excited!

Good to hear from you, I hope that things are going well for you two. :)

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